those memories that hit you out of nowhere. and how they kick your world on it's side and leave you wondering how you got there. and how did you get there? maybe you held on too tightly. I used to think we should hold onto everything too close because the pain of losing was nothing compared to the pain of never having had at all... But I don't think that anymore. maybe because I've had so much to lose. and there's this small part of me that wishes I had never been so foolish. because it hurts, you know? of course you do. We've all held too tightly to something. or someone. Or someplace. and it hurts. Because losing means it felt like yours at one time. Losing means you held something in your hands... And somehow it slipped out of your fingers and down to the muddy ground where you couldn't save it if you tried. and perhaps you did try and all you ended up with were dirty hands. Or maybe your hands were already dirty. it's just that memories aren't something you see coming. You can't prepare for how bad it will hurt inside. The way your heart skips a beat when you catch a glimpse of what could have been. The necessary beating of a heart and how certain things trigger a skip. before the memories, it's your gauge for how good it all is. But when it's over the heart skips remind you that you need to monitor it's beating more closely. Be careful to hold your heart too close and to let go of others hearts. because those memories will one day hit you out of nowhere. They'll knock the breath right out of your lungs and leave you wishing you could undo. Those memories. Those beautiful, painful memories.